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billy
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« on: June 30, 2011, 10:50:54 pm »

In a convent in Ireland the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink, but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Jameson Irish whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and, before they knew it she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom

Before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

"Don't sell that cow."
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Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
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« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2011, 06:36:39 am »

She was happy to be spending her first day in her new retirement home unpacking boxes and finding places for everything. She was a little annoyed when the doorbell rang. She opened the door to find a pleasant young man who introduced himself as the pastor of a nearby church. I see youre new to neighborhood, said the pastor and I wanted to welcome you and invite you to visit our church.

She wanted to be cordial but was becoming impatient to return to her unpacking. As he continued to talk, he could sense her impatience and became a little frustrated himself with her seeming lack of interest in her spiritual life. Finally he blurted out, You should really think more about the hereafter. With exasperation in her voice, she replied, I think about the hereafter all time, pastor. Everywhere I go, I think What am I here after?.
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I remember very few of the things that Ive spent money to buy, but I remember all of the places that Ive spent money to see.
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